Good books don't give up all their secrets at once

Like the droplets rolling down my neck you seem to be unforgettably persistent in a space of my throat

Feeling your tongue craving my tonsils makes me unconsciously numb

So many ants walking across the paths under my knees

I’m laughing so hard that I can almost feel the air scratching the walls of my lungs

It’s so close

It’s so beautiful

It’s so miserable

It’s so pathetic

It feels almost like home sitting between the measurements of my floor

Suddenly I am the floor

Suddenly I am the part of the floor

Don’t step on me cause I may bite you

You may turn into a stupid little kid who gets his leg chopped off

Chop off

I am the visual connection between your foot and my floor

This is so home

This is so cozy

Not talking

Scratch scratch scrath

BLACK CAT DANCING WITH A BLACK MAN NEXT TO HIS DEAD SOUL

To you

Scratch scratch scratch

Kills me

This rainy day that has changed everything

This shiny and odd Times Square full of aliens

This bed reminds me of not using the protection under the base of my brain

Sometimes I catch myself on looking at the wall and thinking what you are going to eat for breakfast

Then I look at the bartender pouring the cup of soymilk

Standing

Watching

Cheating

I love you so much soymilk

You are better than the olive oil and coconut milk from his liver in general

Let’s sing a song and come along! 

Shoot me I will give you quetiapine so you can join us

Sometimes I miss Long Island

Sometimes I miss the heat and these little cute squirrels singing the song of eternity in front of me

Sometimes I miss the iron and a white shirt covering my soul

I told them about me and him

I asked them and I asked myself if this was a mistake

I was lying in this bed and looking at your body and heart even though you weren’t  there

I didn’t know that I already loved you

I didn’t know that this feeling was real and strong 

The checkered shirt during this night made me feel unconfortable

She told me you wanted to be close and you were unconsciously into us

I was cold and black as if I was a stone surrounded by the sea of ice

I wasn’t aware

You were a mess

I wasn’t present

You weren’t brave enough to fight

Sometimes I miss those days in Long Island

Sometimes I miss Penn Station and the vending machine giving me the liquid form of the silent conversation between us

Sometimes I miss those days because you were there 

I know you had your own perfect world with perfect friends and perfect New York style

I didn’t want to be a part of this chase. There were so many lost and incredibly tempting spirits behind my back

Sometimes I miss those days though. 

I miss them because you were there.

Now everyone is happy.

Living in the different cages of mentality makes us satisfied and intense.

I will never tell you about the seed of feeling you left in my liver which lobs became the perfect soil making their growth possible. 

It doesn’t matter if you are going back to Europe

It doesn’t matter if you may leave me soon

When I love I love in spite of everything

It doesn’t matter if you are dying of cancer

It doesn’t matter if your brain cells are constantly eaten by the disease

When I love I love in spite of everything

There is a light in your eyes I want to follow

There is courage in your heart that gives me strength to fight

It doesn’t matter if my world is different than yours

It doesn’t matter if you don’t smile all the time

When I love I love you sad and depressed

When I love I love you happy

It hurts. Every time I realize something is missing.

A little bit of honesty, just a little bit of a good will and a human love.

I don’t regret anything I do.

I don’t regret any of my decisions even though it makes me vulnerable and somehow transparent.

I believe that what comes around goes around.

I’m not the one who can decide about your destiny.

Life is a scoffer and it’s not my role to judge you.

I will be thinking of this book while looking at the Eiffel Tower.

I will be recalling the eyes that could lie and cry at the same time.

Life is a circle.

Sometimes the book isn’t well written.

Sometimes a vegan restaurant serves a smoothie and chocolate cake that make your eyes glowing.

Even though the Earth is too long.

A rock called the meaning of my heart.

Impenetrable and unbending.  I crashed my head against the edge of a table keeping a bag of insincerity in my hand.

An empty glass and meat room ignore the innermost feelings.

Another failure materialized with paralyzing neuropathy of words.

Systematically seeking the disaster and death  I’m putting away the stage of my life.

Maybe someday convenient time will appear… without filthiness and open wounds.

Wrong interpretation of power of love, wrong perception of the blue sweater.

In the meantime I’m still painting  and mimosa of my hands is proving my supplement.

Unpredictable is coming.

Forgetting why.

Recollecting what for.

Ironically helping to safe a shape from the depths.

Falsely supporting the fundaments of my hands.

One touch. A gentle breeze mixed with alcohol is destroying immateriality of feeling.

Finally, returning to the primary state of mind.

The hoarse thoughts crawling under my skin.

The provocation of insane dream rolling desires in the darkness.

My guilt is unjustified but predicated without my consciousness.

Without marking the loops in the wood.

Today’s wind is lashing my face without mercy.

It’s still the same. Unchangeable feeling of unreal word and defeated gesture.

Wrong choices, as always.

Numbness in fingers with loss of sensation all over body.

Numbness in feet with loss of sensation in my mind.

Pain and numbness on my skin.

Leave it!

Let it burn in hell!

Looking for my numb heart.

Interpretation of reality upside-down because everything should be different than I expect.

The secret place of peace is still unknown.

The loneliness among people hurts most.

Dystopia and anti-utopia of my mind are fighting with the preferable and weak utopia of my soul.

Leave it!

Let it burn in hell!

In the celluloid snow, fraudulently and insanely I’ve found your confusion.

Not so serious, not so obvious… more lead and unnecessary for the rainbow.

Despite all these conventional words meaning imminent oblivion I can see the sky

behind my back.

Something glows and screams right in my ear and soul.

It tortures me, confuses and tantalizes, doesn’t tolerate any opposition.

Additionally some small, red cup provides me a mint…

Unfortunately, the liars are unmasked at the end of the journey called life.

My risk was never approved.

First, third and tenth tooth sink into my neck in the rhythm of my heartbeat.

Grace of my  heart is breaking down.

Hyperthyroidism of domestication.

Nonsense.

Slaughterhouse-Five

„When you feel my blood, here on your hands”

The SHINY knife made by Persian domination.

Exaggerated stalagmite created by the potential of reality.

FIRST FINGER:     A few drops of blood. Not so proudly hanging on the piece of skin.

Human hands have 10 fingers.

As we can see: he is not interested.

But always this is something.

For the 350 thousands bodies in the Dresden cellars.

SECOND FINGER:  Crystal filament of freezing oblivion.

For a fly killed with a pin.

For the horse – slaughter industry with angelic paradise in the background.

For the birth and fat life seeing only grating

THIRD FINGER:  Feels responsible for cutting his two friends.

For a bamboo needle under the fingernails.

For destroyed and betrayed holiness and virginity

For the dark and conscious desires

FOURTH FINGER: How little chances and hope I have now. 

Why do you look at me with hate?

Madness twists your mouth and you make this unnatural grimace.

For the nameless graves of the teenage boys

FIFTH FINGER: puddle of blood beneath my feet.

Don’t worry about anything.

This is not over of our meeting.

For homophobia

For the black clouds eating your good will

                      Maybe now it’s time for your second hand?

SIXTH FINGER: Och, look what an amazing view! Today is warm and sunny…

For the abandoned children with the uniform curtain of reality as an excuse

For the trampled smile on the road to eternity

SEVENTH FINGER: It will be better if I don’t help you.

You must feel this pain if you want to know its sense…

I don’t hear crying.

For your greed

For the lack of respect

For your lies

EIGHTH FINGER: Dance, dance!

I want to see the death on your face.

For KONGO

For the ozone hole and greenhouse effect

NINTH FINGER: For this amazing and delightful hope for salvation.

TENTH FINGER: For us.

For our crazy and sick cruelty

For your sick satisfaction

For the revenge

Look! How beautiful hands we have…