• 10th November
    2012
  • 10
  • 31st May
    2012
  • 31

Chapman’s illusion of my confusion.

Look outside… Feel the need of your hungry feelings circulating around your head and forcing your mind and soul to correct the errors and mistakes of your life.

Look outside like you were the rainbow flying through hills and seas admiring the second end of the world.

Look outside and find your destiny.

The noisy cars, crowded city full of hate and false emotions. Constantly changing their perspective of randomness . In the middle of this sick and pathological circus you are able to watch a movie called: your life. Lost and confused you are calling for help. Looking for someone who will take these voices away, looking for someone who will give you the camera to avoid the never ending and merciless failure.



Walking around NYC I was thinking of every single day of my life (of course I mean those days I am able to recognize and remember somewhere between the day I was born and 31.05.2012).

The big city, the real dream and the real fulfillment of my desires and hopes. Every building reminds me of nights and days spent on dreaming, planning and describing my own plans with invisible finger of my imagination.

I am here. In NYC. The city that never sleeps. Looking at these streets, looking through the people I meet, feeling through their thoughts I am probably the happiest person in the world. At least the happiest person in my own, little, transcendent vision of reality.

Thinking of me and these really happy, ecstatic days I can’t forget about people that inspired me and gave the strength to fight for my dreams: my family, friends, Stephen King, Jared Leto, John Lennon and Yoko Ono.

They are something like the small allegories of my life. My loved ones are obviously aware of their influence on my life so I don’t feel the need for including them in this let’s say post.

I’ll write something about a random thought that appeared in my head while walking around Manhattan.

CHAPTER 27.

The memory of this movie and my feelings traversing the crossings of my neurons mastered my day. Jared Leto, John Lennon, Yoko Ono and… Mark  Chapman.

It’s really funny how some coincidences and mental accidents may become your inspiration, a little sparkle showing you the road and the right way to develop your ideas.

Anyway, I had to watch this movie again and of course I did it.

It was my third, maybe fourth time when I saw this movie. My reactions are almost the same every time I watch it. But today, something changed. I guess it’s the effect of being in NYC, feeling this city and exploring it’s secrets.

So close to the history…

My plan doesn’t include describing Jared’s acting skills (I can only say that I’m impressed and really happy that exactly this man was able to become Chapman – Holden for some time and give us the opportunity to see a murderer of Lennon as someone familiar and maybe someone more human than we used to perceive him), doesn’t include the history of Yoko and John, The Beatles music and lives of their members as well.

I just want to write something connected to my feelings about NYC and… Mark Chapman.




I find this man very difficult and complicated. Just like every human that suffers from mental disorders, maybe schizophrenia, maybe bipolar disorder or just an extremely deep disappearance in the world.

I was looking at him and thinking that the person I hated, the person who killed one of the most important human beings in the whole world (my opinion) has started to take a shape of someone hurt, someone who created one’s own world with different rules and motivations.

Between love, hope and good will his mind created a real evil wearing a mask of disappointment and bitterness. This man was fighting with himself, trying to avoid the unavoidable, trying to cut the persistent tape of his fears and demons.

He lost his way in the middle of chaos, in the middle of millions of lives gathered in New York City.

Somewhere between the source of angelic and good feelings always is a devil. Hidden deep down under our emotions and actions. Mark Chapman lost the fight and embarked on the path of darkness. The most dangerous darkness because his own darkness with his own demons.



I fell in love with this place. Everything that is connected to this place, every mental relationship that is slightly floating in the air.

But I also noticed the darkness in this city. Some dark, oozy places in hearts of people passing by. The homeless and poor people, the lonely people forgotten by this world, the sick ones, the broken ones… Every single person that is invisible to the eyes.


They ARE a black hole that mastered Chapman’s mind and filled the spaces of his already broken body.

 

Like the unbelievable continuation of the story.

“The Catcher In The Rye”


http://redrum87.tumblr.com/post/19916451793/no-demons-no-art

 

 

  • 19th May
    2012
  • 19
  • 19th May
    2012
  • 19

The brilliant way to describe Pontius’s headache.

“But would you kindly ponder this question: What would your god do if
evil didn’t exist, and what would the earth look like if all the shadows
disappeared? After all, shadows are cast by things and people. Here is the
shadow of my sword. But shadows also come from trees and living beings.
Do you want to strip the earth of all trees and living things just because
of your fantasy of enjoying naked light? You’re stupid.”








“His teeth still bared, the procurator glanced at the arrested man, then at the sun, steadily rising over the equestrian statues of the hippodrome, which lay far below to the right, and suddenly, in some sickening anguish, thought that the simplest thing would be to drive this strange robber off the balcony by uttering just two words: ‘Hang him.’ To drive the convoy away as well, to leave the colonnade, go into the palace, order the room darkened, collapse on the bed, send for cold water, call in a plaintive voice for his dog Banga, and complain to him about the hemicrania. And the thought of poison suddenly flashed temptingly in the procurator’s sick head.

He gazed with dull eyes at the arrested man and was silent for a time, painfully trying to remember why there stood before him in the pitiless morning sunlight of Yershalaim this prisoner with his face disfigured by beating, and what other utterly unnecessary questions he had to ask him.”

  • 19th May
    2012
  • 19
  • 19th May
    2012
  • 19
  • 19th May
    2012
  • 19
  • 19th May
    2012
  • 19
  • 19th May
    2012
  • 19
The scariest fragment of this book. Poor Georgie. Georgie: Oh no!It: Hello, Georgie! you do not say hello? Do not wanna say “hello”? Oh, do not wanna say “hello” … Do not you want a nice colored balloon?Georgie: I’m sorry, I do not take anything from people who do not know, I told my father!It: I must admit that your father is a very wise man, Georgie, really your father is right! So, Georgie, I introduce myself, I am Pennywise the Dancing Clown. Instead you are Georgie. So now we know each other, I say right?Georgie: I think so! Now I have to go …It: “Go”?! You do not want … this?Georgie: My boat!It: You say right! Come on Georgie! Take it! Ohhhh … You want your boat, right? Of course you want it … And there are also cotton candy, chocolate, rides and many other surprises and lots of colorful balloons below!Georgie: And float?It: Oh, yes … Sure they float, Georgie … Float all ..! And you too if you come down here with me … You will float, Georgie!

The scariest fragment of this book.

Poor Georgie.

Georgie: Oh no!
It: Hello, Georgie! you do not say hello? Do not wanna say “hello”? Oh, do not wanna say “hello” … Do not you want a nice colored balloon?
Georgie: I’m sorry, I do not take anything from people who do not know, I told my father!
It: I must admit that your father is a very wise man, Georgie, really your father is right! So, Georgie, I introduce myself, I am Pennywise the Dancing Clown. Instead you are Georgie. So now we know each other, I say right?
Georgie: I think so! Now I have to go …
It: “Go”?! You do not want … this?
Georgie: My boat!
It: You say right! Come on Georgie! Take it! Ohhhh … You want your boat, right? Of course you want it … And there are also cotton candy, chocolate, rides and many other surprises and lots of colorful balloons below!
Georgie: And float?
It: Oh, yes … Sure they float, Georgie … Float all ..! And you too if you come down here with me … You will float, Georgie!

(Source: takemeallovertheworld)

  • 10th May
    2012
  • 10
  • 6th May
    2012
  • 06
  • 3rd May
    2012
  • 03
Among other things, you’ll find that you’re not the first person who was ever confused and frightened and even sickened by human behavior. You’re by no means alone on that score, you’ll be excited and stimulated to know. Many, many men have been just as troubled morally and spiritually as you are right now. Happily, some of them kept records of their troubles. You’ll learn from them—if you want to. Just as someday, if you have something to offer, someone will learn something from you. It’s a beautiful reciprocal arrangement. And it isn’t education. It’s history. It’s poetry.
“Catcher In The Rye”

(Source: bookmania)

  • 30th April
    2012
  • 30
  • 14th April
    2012
  • 14
  • 13th April
    2012
  • 13